So it has been something I’ve had on my mind for a few days (as have my other teammates): Plans for the next two weeks (the remainder of our stay in Ghana). We know we’ll be in Ghana (obviously) and we are attending a conference this next weekend, but that is really it (although some things have materialized in the past 8 hours since I originally wrote this note). There really are no plans set in stone and most of us are wondering why we are still here, myself included (we could have originally left on July 31st but chose to stay until August 15th thinking there were plans made for us already). Some days I am okay with being here even though I have no idea what we are doing. Other days I am the complete opposite and homesick and wondering why I am here. Some days I am the typical American thinking that it COST me so much money to come so why not stay two extra weeks with people I may possibly never see again but then I might start treating it as if it were a vacation which we were told not to do and then I feel somewhat convicted for doing this because I am here to do God’s work, not just to relax and be in Africa because apparently missions trips can’t be fun……. Pfffft right. It is great and I’m blessed to be here and it is more fun than I can explain!!!
Then I started thinking as I do way too often. What if God wants me here for some other reason? What if God wants me here, not just to do his work for others, but what if me being here with “nothing to do” is for him to do his work in me? I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and that I‘m not still here just by chance but that God really wants me here even if I don’t know why. Proverbs 16:4 says “The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.” God makes things happen for his purpose, even if our future holds no apparent plans or we don’t know what will happen and we are questioning why we are still here. I know I miss my friends and family and to me, if there are no plans and we are “wasting our time” being here, God must truly know why we are still here. Proverbs 16 verses 1-3 and verse 9 talk about how we plan our ways or how we think something would be a better idea, such as going home now instead of staying two more weeks just because we don’t seem to have any set plans. But what if God has a plan for me being here two more weeks?
When you are homesick for familiarity it is difficult to trust this, at least for me anyways (this is when my mind goes off on its own). I have said my support system (the main one outside of my family of course) is in Manhattan Kansas. I will confess this is part, if not most, of the reason I am staying there at least another year. There are other things keeping me there as well of course and I feel like it is where God wants me to be. I lean on my support system. I grow through them. Throughout this trip I’ve had to learn to survive without my outlets in those people, or even my iPod or guitar for that matter. So back to my point (sorry if this is completely obvious to some of you). Maybe God wants me here these next two weeks to work on ME, so that I realize MY need for him in MY life and not necessarily other peoples’ need for him in THEIR lives. Maybe God wants me here the next two weeks to keep me focused on him. Maybe he wants to use this to refine my heart, mind, body, soul, and attitude to what he wants it to be so that when I return back to Manhattan I don’t fall back to the outlets that I have in my support system of friends.
It is difficult being here not knowing what lies ahead. It is difficult being over 6000 miles away from the people I love, from a struggling friend, from the comfort of my own home, from my family, from the hugs and smiles so familiar to me. Maybe God is showing me that really all I need is him; that when all of the familiar is gone or unavailable he remains the same. Maybe God is showing me that I can survive without my support system, whether that be 6000 miles or 6 blocks away. The friends I have now may not always be around right? Maybe that is why God has me here for two more weeks. Maybe now I will stop guessing as to why God has me here. Maybe now I will stop complaining about being here and when I’m homesick, being stared at by every person in every car that passes (maybe this is God breaking my want for attention?), eating things I don’t particularly like, and everything is creepily unfamiliar, maybe I will remember God IS here, that he is with me wherever I go like he says in Joshua 1:9. God is to be my comfort and maybe it took a month of being over 6000 miles outside of my comfort zone in a ridiculously unfamiliar place for me to realize all I just said (which is kind of sad if that is the truth now that I think about it).
So now the next two weeks I HAVE to wait on God, whether I like it or not. I don’t know what I’m doing here other than God wants me here, regardless of how I feel about being here. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Right now, as frustrating as it may be to me, God will use the next two weeks, maybe not necessarily use us in other peoples’ lives the way we think he will (going out to villages and directly talking to people), but maybe God is using this for us in our own lives, even if we are bored with his way. Maybe he wants us to just spend time with the people who have taken care of us the past three weeks and maybe he is teaching us to rely on him and look for his provision in everything we do, not just the things we had originally planned to do for him. Pray that we keep a positive attitude the next two weeks and lean on Christ right now since we don’t know what will be happening in the near future. I have faith that God will provide, even if it isn’t the way we plan for him to provide. He always works it out for the better if we trust him. Sorry if I don’t make much sense sometimes and if it seems like I’m a rambling mad woman. I promise I have not been brain-washed or gone crazy in Ghana…… the people here are far too nice to do anything of the sort and I will very much miss them when the next two weeks are over. Thanks for putting up with my lengthy notes!!!! I love you all and thank you very much for all of your prayer and support!!!
Maybe God has us here, not to impact others, but so that HE can impact US.
In Christ,
Sharina Marie Schaller
No comments:
Post a Comment